i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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