hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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