As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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