How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize