What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
