shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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