honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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