break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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