Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
bring money and cleavage
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
