so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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