Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
