i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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