I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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