when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I look better un-naked...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
