Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
