this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize