Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
