I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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