Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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