I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
