So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
