So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
