hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize