Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
