I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
