he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize