Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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