Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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