I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
