just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
