Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
