Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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