these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
