Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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