True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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