JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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