Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
