just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
