YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
