After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you told grandpa to call you daddy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
