i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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