you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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