you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
