Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
