i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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