Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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