My first STD was from a foam party
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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