My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
