and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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