I think I won the penis lottery.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
