i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize