i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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