Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
