I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
