Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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