I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
