this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've blown a few things in my day
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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