good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
