Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
