what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
