saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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