I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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