You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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