we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
