where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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