i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
