i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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